Taut Tightrope


I meant to write and post this on Tuesday, but ended up doing other things. Considering this is a post about my priorities, I think that rather makes one of my points!

I decided that my priorities this year are to:

1) make money (to go travelling on)
2) learn Spanish
3) update this and Travelling Vegan frequently
4) find and write for as many other places as possible.

While all of the above are important to me, they’re not what takes up most of my time. I couldn’t even tell you what I spend most of my time doing. I think sleeping, eating and walking places. I also hang out at Thom’s and play Mario Party a lot.

Lately, this has begun to bug me. I’ve started stressing quite a lot that I’m not making the time to write, or learn Spanish, and yet I’ll still spend three evenings in a row at Thom’s!

This is because I’ve been letting myself do what I feel like doing. I know that writing my novel for an hour, or learning Spanish for even ten minutes will take up time that I’ll have to set aside and brain power that I’ll have to muster, so I procrastinate like crazy – often doing something I think I rate as useful, like reading blogs or hanging out with friends. Typical procrastination stuff. Does this mean that I don’t have enough passion towards writing and Spanish? Should I be searching for other things which DO make me want to do them every waking hour of every day? Are these things really what should be on my priority list if I’m avoiding doing them?

These are the kinds of questions which are stressing me out at the moment. I know that I need to sit down and make the time for writing and Spanish, because I do want to get them done, but I don’t feel motivated enough to do that because I feel like I should do them when I want to do them, instead of because I feel like I should.

SO. What am I going to do about this?

I’m going to put a little order back into my life. It’s been great only factoring my work schedule into my diary (since I HAVE to be on time for that, or I don’t make money) and trying not to schedule my every free moment with stuff, but I’m just frittering my time away walking across town and..uh…I really don’t know where my time goes. I sleep a lot…

I don’t want to become a list-maniac again, or freak out if I don’t complete a ‘task’ but I am going to at least try to achieve two important tasks per day, as well as showing up to work, be these blog posts, Spanish lessons, writing 2000 more words of my novel (Hello, NaNoWriMo!) or reading a chapter of a non-fiction book.

My lazy, unorganised time has made me crave more organisation and I am now thoroughly annoyed at myself enough to make sure that I work harder, lest I begin to stress myself out over my laziness again!

Priorities versus procrastination is another balance – I don’t want to push myself too hard to do too much and burn out (as I was doing toward the end of my dissertation) but if I relax too much and just chill out with friends all the time then nothing gets done. I’ve not been too good with this tightrope in the past, let’s see how I do this time…



2 responses to “Taut Tightrope

  1. Ah Amelia. There you go again writing down the thoughts in my head. I struggle with this very same thing. If I love it so much and want to be the person who does x, y, z, then WHY don’t I do it? Why does the thought of actually rolling up my sleeves and DOING x,y, z make me suddenly lazy?

    • For me it’s always been fear…if I really try at something and still fail, it’s worse than having not tried at all…except, if you really try at something you’re bound to do better than if you didn’t try at all! It’s still a hard boundary to hurdle though. The best thing is to decide not to care what the outcome is, because you can probably make something positive from it. And by probably, I mean definitely.

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